You Cannot Change That

People are the way they are and there is not a whole lot you can do to change them. In fact, I would venture to say that you or I cannot change anyone. It is up to that person to change. A very wise man once told me this. Of course, I did not listen to this advice.

I have had relationships that were far from perfect, and I thought that I could make that relationship work if only I could change one little thing here or there. Guess what? Those relationships did not last. Luckily, I have changed my thoughts on that subject and I now understand life a lot better. I do not understand everything; but, I have made some strides. From where I am now in my life, I can see two things wrong with me thinking I could change someone. One, it is egotistical of me to think I can change somebody. Two, who I am to tell someone they need to change?

It is a whole different story if a friend or loved one comes to you with an issue they are having or something that they would like to change in their life. Then, I believe you owe it to that person to give them whatever help you can to ensure that are able to make that change.

“The Biggest Loser” started tonight; so let us use weight loss as an example. If you have a friend who is grossly obese to the point where you fear for their life, you can talk until you are blue in the face about how unhealthy you think they are,. You can tell them that you think they should change the way they eat and start exercising. The key is, this is what YOU think, and maybe the doctors would agree. Perhaps the friend appeases you and nods in agreement. None of that matters though unless something inside them clicks and makes them want to change. It does not matter what you or I think. What matters is what THEIR actions. The same is true for alcoholics and drug addicts. I know these are extreme examples; but I think you get the point.

The same holds true for the little things as well, such as someone who is chronically late. No matter how much you batter that person, they will continue to be late until they make the choice to change. In fact, they may be purposefully late just to get under your skin. I have known people who have told a chronically late person that a party is scheduled to start 30 minutes before the actual start time just so Mr. Tardy will only be 30 minutes late instead of an hour late. You know what happens? That trick works once, and then Mr. Tardy is late for the next party. Plus, he is ticked at you for lying to them.

We can give people all of the information they want, but it is up to them to use it. Just like it is up to us to change ourselves if there is something we know we could do better. Change is a good thing. It is how we grow and become better human beings. Embrace change, but only if that change is necessary.

Oh yeah, the wise man I mentioned above was my Dad. I have since learned how truly wise he his, and I never outright ignore his advice. He always has some kernel of wisdom to share. You see, I changed. I realized that I do not know it all. That one is hard for people to accept. But, I am better for it, and so are the people are around me.