Three Things NOT to Say to your Wife

My wife reminded today of three things that you should not say to her. To all the guys out there who read this blog, this is free advice for you.

1. We went to the local mall today. My wife got out the car and put on the Ergobaby (baby carrier) to carry Coilin. She asked for her sweater. It was a warm day and I told her she did not need it. Shannon said, "It (the strap of the Ergobaby) makes me look like Fat, Fat the Water Rat!"
Now, I am by no means a fool; so I answered, "No, you look like Fatty, Fatty, Bumbolatty!" I cannot believe she hit me.
2. We were coming home from my Mother-in-Law's house. I was driving and Shannon was in the passenger seat. Jillian and Coilin were in the second row, and Molly was in the third. Jillian starts saying, "Don't tell me how to drive. Go Daddy! It's gween GO!" 
I turned to my wife and said, "Boy, she imitates you really well." I got hit again.
3. My wife and I were standing in the kitchen tonight. As usual, I said something smart to Shannon. She turned her back to me, and she smacked her behind making the kiss my butt sign. I replied with, "I don't have all night." I did not get hit, but I got the look. I wish she had hit me.

Before you think I am a total jerk, you must know that my wife and I have an awesome relationship. We joke around with each other A LOT. So, she knew that I meant nothing by what I said. We were having some fun. (Yes, I checked to make sure she was having fun too.) I love my wife with all my heart, and she knows I think she is beautiful. Besides, my wife has been working her tail off at the gym. She looks fantastic and has lost a lot of weight and does not need worry about looking fat. She also knows that she is a back seat driver. (So, she could not argue with number 2.)

Gentlemen, I do have to tell you that these were Three Things NOT to Say to your Wife, unless you have a wife like mine.