Saturday, September 4, 2010

Rubberneckers

I was trying think about what write for a blog entry while driving to work the other day when lo and behold the answer appeared to me in the form of my archenemy of the roadways – The Rubbernecker! This is a type of person that I don't understand. Why, oh Why do you need to slow down whenever you see an accident? I am not talking about a courteous or necessary slowdown when the accident is in your lane and going the speed limit may injure someone or cause another accident.

NO! I am talking about the accident that has occurred in the opposing lane of traffic where there is, at the very least, a substantial barrier between your car and the car(s) involved. A substantial barrier to me is any form of median strip whether that is a Jersey Barrier or 30 foot strip of grass. There is no reason for you to slow down. You are not going to hurt anyone or cause another accident if you maintain your speed. I can even understand slowing down a little bit under the posted speed limit to be sure that no emergency personnel are going to cross into your lane to reach the victims.

But that isn't what happens. The Rubbernecker has to slow down to a crawl to see what is going on. I have never, ever understood this, and I have tried and tried to put myself in their shoes. Are you looking to see if it is someone that you know? Are you an ambulance chaser working for a personal injury lawyer? Or, is it just morbid curiosity and you want to see the carnage of an automobile accident? I am going to go with 99% of the time it is morbid curiosity.

Now, the accident that spurred this entry did not appear to be the blood and guts kind. How do I know you ask? Was I Rubbernecking? No, I was not. The Rubbernecker in front of me was going 5 miles-per-hour – 5. At that speed, I could tell by glancing out of the corner of my eye that there was a flatbed tow truck loading a pickup truck. At this point in the accident cleanup, if there was another vehicle involved, it was gone. The only car attending to the accident was a police officer with his red and blue lights flashing in the early morning light. Acting as a beacon to Rubberneckers in the area to come and see the accident.

Why people! Why must you Rubberneck? Just drive! Drive On!

The kicker is what happens as as soon as the Rubbernecker clears the accident. (This really drives me bonkers!) The same people who are going 5 miles-per-hour to Rubberneck immediately accelerate to cruising speed or above. In the case of my Rubbernecker, he had decided to go above crusing speed. He had put significant distance between himself and me. Even when I reached the speed limit, he was still putting some separation between us. He probably felt like he needed to make up for lost time so that he was not late for work. That Rubbernecking is a time consuming activity.

So, I say to you Mr. and Mrs. Rubbernecker if you feel you need to get your fill of carnage everyday, watch the news or go on YouTube and search for accidents. Just stop Rubbernecking. Let me get to work. I need to get to work. I want to get to work. I don't want to sit in molasses traffic, because somebody needs to look at an accident. I ask you again, Drive On!

In closing I want to pose a question to any of you Rubberneckers out there: Why do you Rubberneck? I promise I won't hold it against any of you that answer. I promise you dispensation from the sin of your past Rubbernecking transgressions. I need to know. This question has been bothering me for a long time. Think of it this way, dear Rubbernecker – you will help me to become a better person if I understand why you Rubberneck. Consider it your good deed for the day.

2 comments:

  1. There is a great old DVE skit about rubberneckers. I'll have to dig out that CD and (wow, its actually on a CD?) for some laughs.

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  2. DVE has some really awesome material. I have their album "Altar Boys" - Hysterical.

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